my black french fries

French Fries anyone?

Black French Fries
Black French Fries

I have done many experiments on bread, cakes and french fries but never in my wildest dreams did I think I would end up making black french fries … you know those potatoes sliced in a wiggly manner and better know as potato chips. Why do they call them French anyway? They came from the Americas … I mean the potatoes not the French.


I let you into a little secret about these black French Fries …

“Don’t ever, ever try to make them yourself.” … Okay, my secret is out.


Two ways to make black french fries

Having said that, I tell you there are two ways to make black french fries. The first method is the method I am going to describe here. … just to lead you down the garden path … life is not a bed of roses, you know.  The second method is … go ask the Italians.



First method to make black french fires

The first method to make black french fries is truly phenomenal. It was an accidental discovery of mega proportions. I felt like Socrates … or was it Aristotle or Plato, no Archimedes … running naked down the street shouting Eureka, Eureka, Eureka, … and what not. … in my dreams of course. Honestly, I have never ever used this technique before. It just happened by accident. Now I know a new way of cooking never before tried by mankind. “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind”. Wow that is awesome, a kind of intellectual I think, after all I copied that phrase from Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon. I in heaven … I’m in heaven …  I have reached for the stars … recipe wise and landed on the moon. On the other hand some would say there was a little lunar dust not star dust mixed in. That will make me a little loony.


Actually I would have been in heaven if I had not woken up from my dream. All for the sake of black french fries.


Is it dawning on you, yet? Don’t you get that creepy feeling? That creepy feeling that I am avoiding telling you how to make black french fries. … no? Are you dead?


Actually, the technique to make black french fries is very simple … very simple indeed. But firstly, you will need an oven. Get back there into your kitchen and check that you have an oven, a real proper oven, to make black french fries.


My Recipe for black fries

So here is my recipe:

1. One hot hot oven

2. One big baking tray

3. Some salt

4. Some oil or butter

5. Definitely some potato chips … cut the french way


 The black french fries method

Mix them altogether. Set oven to 250C (482F). It is very important to get the temperature right. Place potato chips in oven and drop off to sleep. Wake up when you smell your oven is burning. Your kitchen should be very smokey and probably you cannot see your way around. Rush to kitchen and switch off the oven and grab the tray of smoking potato chips and dump it into the kitchen sink. Open all windows to let the acrid smell of blackened fries escape or else you will need to escape.



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The black french fries should look something like this. Leave until the morning and get back to sleep. Next morning rearrange the black french fries on plate to look beautiful. Oh did I mention that you will need to clean up your kitchen?


I tried one of those black fries and remembered the Prophet Isaiah’s vision:-

“In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”

Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.” ”


When I remembered Isaiah’s vision I thought all my sins would be taken away but the black french fries were cold and nothing happened to me. I was not taken up to heaven. So I guess I will have to pay for my sins. Lord, forgive me.




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Ensure arrangement of the black french fries looks appealing and appetizing. The bright red stuff is Lumpfish Caviar. The black french fries are best served once a year on April 1st.





This article “my black french fries” was ‘researched’ and written by Peter Achutha.






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